I'm trying really hard to get help for my depression. i really am. but it's hard. it's hard learning that i can trust people again. that i do have people around me that actually care about me. i've learned people who walk out aren't worth it. they clearly were not meant to be in my life. everything happens for a reason, i'm a firm believer in that.clearly the shit that i've been through lately has just happened to make me stronger and to make me realize what and who is important in my life. i've realized that maybe i should cut some people out of my life, the ones who bring me down. and i should be open to new people entering my life. I am truly happy with who is in my life right now. yeah some tough shit has happened. but let's be honest, everyone has a story. some people have been through worse than me. some people haven't and they've been lucky. you can't understand everyone's past, and they can't understand yours. I mean, i realized i need help because i have no reason to be depressed. my depression is because of a chemical inbalance, not because of a significant event. So i need help so i can fix it. but lets be honest from the outside before sunday, i looked like i had the perfect life. parents that cared. a boyfriend who i love. best friends that would drop anything to be there for me. i live in a nice neighborhood. i have a brother that actually cares about me. i have a job. i mean it's not like we're poor. But. sometimes you can't help but just be sad. i can't help it. no matter what comes into my life that should make me happy, i can't help but look at the glass half empty. and i always ALWAYS brace myself for everyone to hurt, or leave. it's what everyone has done in the past so what has changed now? but i am working on that. I'm trying to be a positive polly.
On the other hand i was reading my favorite book: perks of being a wallflower.
and there are two quotes that i'd like to share.
1. things change, friends leave, and life doesn't stop for anybody.
this is one of the truest statements i have ever read in my life. Sometimes you just got to suck up and realized life changes but it's not gonna stop because you're upset.
2. And at the moment, i swear, we were infinate.
The first two times i read this book, i couldn't understand that feeling. i didn't know what the author meant nor did i ever think i would experience that feeling.
well i have. and if i could of just stayed there and held on to that feeling forever i would of. i was not worrying about anything. i just felt like nothing could touch or hurt me. it was wonderful.
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