it's not goodbye, it's see you later

Well, it's been a pretty rough week. I had school all week, and work. I can deal with that. But, I had to say goodbye to two of my best friends this week because they were leaving for college. First i had to say good bye to Jessica. That was rough. I cried. We gave eachother our letters. Now here was the tough part. Saying goodbye to Sia. I went over to her house to help her pack. That was rough. I ended up just stealing her clothes, I left her house with a huge garbage bag full of stuff I was taking. So I basically just sat on her bed and cried. We built eachother buildabears. So I brought her hers. I'm going to visit her on labor day weekend and I"m beyond excited. We have been friends since fifth grade. And we basically see eachother everyday. Like legit, we were together everyday for at least on hour. This is going to be rough. But if we're meant to stay frieds we will. So, it will all work out.6 DAYS :)

our hearts have gotten good at pumping cheap new lust in to our young viens.

I don't understand why boys find it necessary to screw girls over. i don't think it's necessary to make a girl think you like them and then be like oh never mind i'm not going to talk to you anymore, and i'm going to pretend you don't exist. i just don't see how they think it's okay to hurt another human being like that. Why is it necessary to make someone feel like complete shit? I just can't handle boys anymore. I've decided i'm going to love college. No matter how much it hurts me that my best freind isn't here anymore. Yeah that's depressing. But, I'm going to have a fresh start. I'm going to make new freinds and meet new boys. It's not worth it anymore to waste my time on these stupid people that only want to start drama. It's not worth it. Well, here's to a fesh start, new people, and holding on to your true freinds. :)

that was my rant for the day :D

College, a fresh start.

Well, I started college at Owens. I'm actually really excited. It's time for a fresh start, and a way to make new friends. No one there knows about past mistakes or can judge about the descions I made in highschool. I think I'm going to completely start over this year. I'm going to miss my friends that are going away so much. My best friends are leaving me. Sia and Jessica are going away, and I don't know what I'm going to do. But hey, we'll both make new friends, and if we're meant to stay close, we will. I've already got a ton of homework of course. Summer 2010 was probably the best summer so far. I realy didn't want to see it end. It was crazy and had it's ups and downs. But for the most part it was the most memorable summer of high school. Hopefully the great times carry out through out the school year.

I'm hurt beyond repair,
My heart is in constant pain.
My mood swings are unbearable.
One minute I'm on top of the world,
Having the time of my life.
But when I'm alone is when I hit my lows.
My thoughts start racing,
My mind never stops.
There's a hole inside me,
I'm desperate to fill.
I can't take this feeling anymore.
I'm trying to prepare for the changes ahead,
hoping things will get better,
That this feeling will go away.
But as things start to change,
The feeling gets worse.
Change is inevitable,
Whether we like it or not.

another poemm :)

theres a hole inside me
i can't fill it with anything
but temporary distractions.
as soon as i think im feeling fine
the pain comes rushing back
theres no way to hide
how much youre hurting me
my heart crumbles everytime
you tell me you don't know what you want
you're killing me inside
but eventually
i'll make it through
to better days,
time heals all...