really people really?

People are so stupid. honeslty do you feel like a big man cause you can beat a 16 year old girl? do you feel good about yourself when you make someones mother cry? do you feel like a big man now when an 18 year old GIRL scares you??? i don't see why men find it needed to hit girls.i don't see why people find a lot of things needed. why do people find it necessary to hate gays. why has cyber bullying gotten so bad that poeple have to delete their formsrping because the poeple are actually starting to get to them. why does it have to reach that point? i mean you don't know that perosons life. that person that youre bullying could have depression. why if your bullying has finally pushed htem over the edge? what if your bullying has pushed them to kill themeselves? i mean im not saying suicide is ever the way. but if you bully someone you need to look at it form their point of view. how would you feel if someone was saying those things to you? how would you feel if you already had a rough life and multiple people were making fun of you and saying really rude things? you don't know that other persons life. so next time before you start bullying or making fun of someone, do me a favor, put yourself in their shoes. learn about someone. i feel like we're in preschool again. if you cant say anything nice, don't say anything at all. if only things were that simple. people are going to say what they want to say. theres always gonna be that one person that will still steal your barbie. or eat your cookie. there will always be that one person that pushes you down on the playground. there will always be that one perosn hoping to see you fail. and if your the one being bullied always remember, the only reason they want to see you fail, is because they are so insecure they need your failure to feel better about themselves. if this made no sense i apologize. i just needed to get all of that off my chest :)

rannntt

okay, so I'm sure you guys don't like to hear about me rant, but why are some people so stupid. I absolutely love when guys think because they have a girlfriend, it means they can still hook up with other girls. I don't think they realize they are hurting two people in the process. They're girl friend and the girl they're hooking up with. Even if they other girl knows about the girlfriend there is still some hope that the guy may dump them. I also hate how people in restraunts think EVERYONE in the resteraunt wants to hear they're conversations. NEWSFLASH: we dont! I also hate when guys lead girls on to see how far they can get with them and when the girl actually says no because she has standards it's like the guy doesn't even know who they are. It also drives me insane when people find it necessary to cyber bully behind anomous formsprings. It doesn't bother me much because obviously i'm a threat to that person and they are too afraid to put they're name, but if I wasn't as strong willed it could actually hurt me. I don't think kthey understand how much words can hurt i think they just do it so they feel better about themselves and that's a sad person that has to put other people down to feel better about themselvees. Obviously there is something wrong in your life or you have more insecuritie then you thought. So maybe they should do a slef check. One more thing drives me insane, how judgmental girls are. granted I'm a girl. But, i don't give dirty looks to other girls that I don't even know. I've seen girls look down on other girls because they are bigger or don't wear they 'coolest' clothes. So what don't be theyre friend then. That just proves more insecurites.Alright I lied here's the last thing. I hate being judged when I say no to drinking, or sexting or when i say i don't have sex. I'm sick of poeple looking down on me because I have morals. I hate how poeple say you have to do all of those things including drugs. If that's what i ahve to do to fit in, no thanks. I'm not judging you or putting you down for doing those things so please don't do that to me for saying no. Honeslty i think being a virgin is a good thing. I have no worries about STD's or pregnancy. I also think no doing drugs is a good thing. Oh, and i'm sorry i don't enjoy being a constant drunk.

well that's my rant for like the month. sorry this was all building up :)

just another love poem.

i stupidly wrote about a boy :/

I don't know if I can explain how I feel
It's weird because,
even though I'm going through a rough time
You always seem to make me smile
I'm happy and not faking anymore
You're slowly pulling me out of the darkness
and into the light
To realize how good life can really be.
I'm feeling alive
And loving every minute of it
It's great just sittitng and talking.
There's no pressure at all.
I just have fun.
I love that i get butterflies whenever i see you.
I know I'm going to have a great time,
whenever I'm with you. :)

Consumption

you guys are probably getting sick of my depressing poems.
i mean if anyone even readsthis :)So heres one about love <3

My heart races a little faster
My breath gets a little shorter
Being around you just takes my breath away
Sometimes it kills me
But I'm not willing to fight it
It's all worth it in the end
The time i spend with you
The rush I get
when your lips press against mine
My mind wanders off.
My problems all fly away.
All because I'm with you
I'm on a natural high,
loving every minute,
that I'm sitting here with you
My heart feels whole
And I finally feel alive.

excitment :D

I'm so excited! this weekend I'm going to go visit my best friend in the whole wide world tomorrow :D as soon as work is over her mom is going to come pic me up and I am staying in Tiffin with her until monday. It's going to be so much fun :D:D:D:D:D

it's not goodbye, it's see you later

Well, it's been a pretty rough week. I had school all week, and work. I can deal with that. But, I had to say goodbye to two of my best friends this week because they were leaving for college. First i had to say good bye to Jessica. That was rough. I cried. We gave eachother our letters. Now here was the tough part. Saying goodbye to Sia. I went over to her house to help her pack. That was rough. I ended up just stealing her clothes, I left her house with a huge garbage bag full of stuff I was taking. So I basically just sat on her bed and cried. We built eachother buildabears. So I brought her hers. I'm going to visit her on labor day weekend and I"m beyond excited. We have been friends since fifth grade. And we basically see eachother everyday. Like legit, we were together everyday for at least on hour. This is going to be rough. But if we're meant to stay frieds we will. So, it will all work out.6 DAYS :)

our hearts have gotten good at pumping cheap new lust in to our young viens.

I don't understand why boys find it necessary to screw girls over. i don't think it's necessary to make a girl think you like them and then be like oh never mind i'm not going to talk to you anymore, and i'm going to pretend you don't exist. i just don't see how they think it's okay to hurt another human being like that. Why is it necessary to make someone feel like complete shit? I just can't handle boys anymore. I've decided i'm going to love college. No matter how much it hurts me that my best freind isn't here anymore. Yeah that's depressing. But, I'm going to have a fresh start. I'm going to make new freinds and meet new boys. It's not worth it anymore to waste my time on these stupid people that only want to start drama. It's not worth it. Well, here's to a fesh start, new people, and holding on to your true freinds. :)

that was my rant for the day :D

College, a fresh start.

Well, I started college at Owens. I'm actually really excited. It's time for a fresh start, and a way to make new friends. No one there knows about past mistakes or can judge about the descions I made in highschool. I think I'm going to completely start over this year. I'm going to miss my friends that are going away so much. My best friends are leaving me. Sia and Jessica are going away, and I don't know what I'm going to do. But hey, we'll both make new friends, and if we're meant to stay close, we will. I've already got a ton of homework of course. Summer 2010 was probably the best summer so far. I realy didn't want to see it end. It was crazy and had it's ups and downs. But for the most part it was the most memorable summer of high school. Hopefully the great times carry out through out the school year.

I'm hurt beyond repair,
My heart is in constant pain.
My mood swings are unbearable.
One minute I'm on top of the world,
Having the time of my life.
But when I'm alone is when I hit my lows.
My thoughts start racing,
My mind never stops.
There's a hole inside me,
I'm desperate to fill.
I can't take this feeling anymore.
I'm trying to prepare for the changes ahead,
hoping things will get better,
That this feeling will go away.
But as things start to change,
The feeling gets worse.
Change is inevitable,
Whether we like it or not.

another poemm :)

theres a hole inside me
i can't fill it with anything
but temporary distractions.
as soon as i think im feeling fine
the pain comes rushing back
theres no way to hide
how much youre hurting me
my heart crumbles everytime
you tell me you don't know what you want
you're killing me inside
but eventually
i'll make it through
to better days,
time heals all...

almost done.

Well, prom went off with out a hitch. It was absolutely amazing. I had a wonderful time with all my friends. Schools winding down. It's the senior's last week. I don't know whether to be happy or sad. Yeah I'm graduating and moving on with my life. But, most of my friends are juniors and are staying here. So I'm not sure. It's hard. I am now going off to college. New responsibilities. Growing up. I want to be don't with high school, but I'm not sure I'm fully ready to grow up. This is a stressful time. I have to get my crap together. I can't rely on my mommy and daddy anymore. And now teachers are deciding to assign a lot of assignments. I can't handle everything. On the brighter side, senior skip day is friday!!! :) I'm so excited. At 12:30 on Friday I'm going to get my second tattoo. :) It's about to be tiight. It's the brain cancer awareness ribbon and underneath it's going to say "Hope" My grandma died of brain cancer that's why I'm getting it. I already have one Tattoo. It's My grandma's birthday on my wrist. :))))

pressure

The pressures building,
going off to college,
saying good bye,
the stress is setting in,
exams, studying,
leaving home,
making new friends,
i don't want to leave,
i don't want to say goodbye,
i love my friends,
i don't want to leave them,
"You'll make new friends" they say,
but what if i don't want to,
what if i like my friends now?
i can't handle the stress,
i cant handle the pressure,
i'm struggling to stay compose,
slowly crumbling,
blow by blow.

weelll.

well, proms this weekend. i don't even know if anyone still reads my blog lol. but hey. im going to do it anyway. So i am so excited for prom. I'm going with my friend Derrik. our group is about to be sweet. My dress is like three colors, like red orange thing, and pink. I love it. i had to tan though so it would look better. School is almost over. like twelve days. it can not come fast enough. I hate it. Our school is now deciding to crack down on the rules. it's so dumb. they've been lax all year and now they want to crack down? sometimes i wish i could see what they were thinking...

welll. i have not blogged ina while so here we goo...

i wrote a new poem....

i feel like im falling like alice,
down an endless black hole,
the world curmbled,
and fell from underneath me,
now i have nothing solid to stand on on or rely on.
i just hope and pray,
that you'll be there to catch me,
when i finally hit the bottom.